Devaluation - noun; The phase in the narcissistic abuse cycle where the abuser begins to systematically diminish the victim’s worth, value, and confidence—often after an initial period of idealization. Devaluation may be subtle or overt, and is used to gain control, create dependency, and destabilize the victim’s sense of self. Purpose of Devaluation: To erode the victim’s self-trust and sense of stability, so they become more pliable, easier to control, and more desperate for the narcissist’s approval or scraps of validation.
Recognizing the programming that has hijacked your inner-authority and wired your brain to sabotage on autopilot, making you vulnerable to further manipulation.
Challenging all the ways you have been coerced to be accessible to people and spaces that do not deserve your Energetic Currency or Presence.
The relationships you settle in because you struggle to say no and admit what you truly want.
The friends you tolerate because you’re “open to everyone,” inviting constant projections and people who desire to humble you.
The guilt you feel when setting boundaries because you fear becoming the classist, prejudiced, bigots who discriminated against you.
The emotional regulating and Identity work that gives you the permission to reclaim your Pedestal and become okay with being Divinely OUT OF REACH.
This work is so important, especially for those who have experience any form of exploit and abuse. But it can also serve as a powerful shield, for anyone, in defense against devaluing attempts.
You will understand how we learn Value at a Conscious Level, and how Value Paradigms are created.
The ones that control how you perceive your own.
If you’ve always been told that you were “overqualified” or too good for a relationship you were in (It was obvious) …
Associated with people and spaces that were clearly not a match for the quality you offer.
The people who are benefitting from you are not going to tell you they are accessing you at a discount rate. And you are no bargain, Love.
The truth is, they won’t all of a sudden choose to step to the plate. You’ve enabled people to feel comfortable knowing that they can have access to great things, without investment.
It’s okay to give gifts, but over-extending is self-sabotage.
This gets you taken for granted and even resented. Because the part of you that knows you are meant for more, will continue to expand, and those who do not want to lose you will need you to shrink. They will need you to remain in the dark about your True Value, because without awareness you cannot actualize and materialize. For require more.
It’s time to collect.
You are not a bad person for being aware of the quality you Possess, and Honoring that.
NO ONE SHOULD BE DECIDING YOUR VALUE FOR YOU. WHEN YOU DEFINE AND HONOR YOUR VALUES, NO EXTERNAL INFLUENCE GETS TO HAVE A SAY SO.
YOUR VALUE IS NOT A GROUP PROJECT.
Howdy, Beloved. I’m Des.
I’ve had an icky relationship with my value. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say others have had an odd relationship with it.
At the foundation of it all was shame.
There was financial shame, because I grew up in an environment where money was violent. Where survival came with pain, strings, and self-betrayal. Because of financial insecurity, I was exploited for money, and as a child exploit survivor, I was groomed to believe that receiving meant I owed. That if I wanted to be supported, I had to compromise my values.
And when I had a choice? I didn’t.
But that didn’t come without consequences.
I also learned that my receiving made other people uncomfortable. My talents, academic achievements, spiritual gifts (whatever I had, whatever came naturally to me) seemed to come with resentment. Not from me, but from those around me.
People who felt entitled to me convinced me that I was indebted. That if I had something they didn’t, I was supposed to feel guilty for it. Like my blessings were evidence of someone else’s lack.
But the truth is: every time those people had access to me, I was the one who lost.
I was taught that I nor my body belonged to me.
And the more I endured those devaluing experiences, the more disconnected I became from my power.
When I finally set out to create a life I actually wanted, on my own terms, I was confronted by every fear, limitation, and belief that had ever been programmed into me.
And then? I lost almost everything.
Everything people feared me having. Everything they envied. Everything I thought made me safe or exceptional...
It all eroded.
Or so I thought…
Because each fear I faced showed me something deeper:
I didn’t just need to reclaim my value, I needed to learn how to possess it.
From homelessness and food insecurity…
To creepy men trying to buy me, and people sabotaging the opportunities that could’ve changed my life…
I learned the most valuable lessons about my Value, and how to Honor it.
And never looked back.
And how to hold what’s mine without apology.
Now, I’m sharing that with you.
WITHOUT
Trying to prove or perform you Value or sell yourself - because you think you need to “offer value” by over-giving without ever letting people earn access to the Gold you Possess.
Trying to be more approachable or Relatable, instead of being discerning and picky-choosey.
Debating and Demanding people see your value, when they don't give a fuck - wasting emotional and energetic resources.
Learning more “Dark Psychology” tactics by insecure and manipulative people who have to sociopath their way into security.
Energetically Begging and Pedestaling things outside of you
Applying yet another Manifesting technique from people who understand nothing about Value Energetics